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A sturdy islander clad in a rust-colored Budweiser tee and Lilliputian purple shorts guides the dinghy close.He helps us tie onto a mooring ball anchored on the coral shelf before introducing himself as Edward Marsters, chief of police.When our 38-foot sloop approached Palmerston at dawn one September morning, more than 200 miles from the nearest speck of land, we’d been staring down squalls on the South Pacific for five days and nights.We hadn’t seen a soul since departing from Bora Bora 800 miles ago, but we knew we were close when we noticed the phrase “Kiss My Arse Rock” on the chart plotter.

Those impacting interactions, whether short-lived or long-lived, will directly or indirectly change the way you view and experience every succeeding relationship.

They have not known how to access the knowledge of self they need to change.

If you are one of those determined, well-intentioned souls willing to delve more deeply into your relationship psyche, you can gain the information you need by answering these five questions before embarking on a new relationship.

These descriptions might be expressed in several ways: Looking at yourself through the subjective lenses of others is not easy, but most of us already have that information somewhere in our hearts and minds — if we're courageous enough to access it.

In which ways do you agree with this imagined consensus, and in which ways do you see yourself differently?

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To gain self-compassion and the desire to continue searching, refrain from doing that: Guilt and shame are the enemies of transformation.

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