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More than a few young Muslim women have bypassed the drama in recent years by leaning into their family’s traditions of arranged marriage. “It’s pretty much like a vetting system,” said Jessy Quadery, who lives in New York City and wed her husband in an arranged marriage about a decade ago. They’re filtering out the kinds of guys that you yourself don’t want.” To be clear, Islam does not require that marriages be arranged.Having their parents help arrange their marriage, fully or partially, feels neither revolutionary nor regressive to them. The Islamic ideal is that Muslim couples do not have an intimate relationship before they get married and that an appointed guardian helps guide and protect the bride in the process of finding a spouse.

The couple only met four times in person before the wedding.When she met her now-husband, she was able to scope him out, asking him the hard questions without hesitation: Before they ever had dinner together, she knew whether he wanted kids, and they agreed to get married the first time they met in person.It may not be romantic, but the process — supervised by an imam — was “refreshing,” Adkins said.“The best part is that it helps you stay level-headed and not get emotionally attached prematurely.You can see all the options clearly instead of getting blindsided.

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“I’ve seen this a lot, that girls meet a guy without the intention of getting married, and before you know it, you’re too deep into it to get out,” she said. ” Quadery’s relationship, like those of most other young women interviewed by RNS for this story, was what she called a “modern” take on arranged marriage: She met her now-husband when their parents introduced them to each other with the intention of them getting married.

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