Funny internet dating jokes

” “Now I’m going to open the home page of google”, I explained. Now type in ANY question you want into the bar over here and you will find an answer to your question.” I confidently assured her. Walking into the room of an old man, with the cameras whirring, the nominee was surprised when the old man offered him some peanuts from a bowl on the table.My Mother looked at me warily, thought for a second, and slowly began to type, How is Gertrude doing this morning? My name is Gertrude,” said the lady next to him on the plane. I’m flying to New York for my grandson’s third birthday. I remember when he was just a little thumbkin and now he’s already three! “Thank you”, said the nominee after being offered more for the 3rd time, “why don’t you have some yourself?“Sure thing,” said her husband settling himself down. After a whole meal of one endearing term after another, their guest Bob couldn’t contain his curiosity any longer. ” It just gets me all teary eyed.” After what seemed like two hours for the poor man sitting next to her, Gertrude seemed to realize that perhaps she was talking a bit too much. Here I am just talking and talking without letting you get in a word edgewise! After consulting with one of the trainers, Harry decided to try out a steep treadmill.

Asks Barbara with a big excited double chin smile, “I’ll tell you who he speaks about! ” “Sugar why don’t you sit down by the table and we’ll start supper.” Said Dorothy to her Husband of 50 years. He is just the cutest, he says to me in the cutest voice “Hi Grandma! ” At the urging of Harry’s wife and doctor, 50 year old Harry finally made it to the gym." quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass? She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation." A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your butt is getting really big. " Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. " A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that.About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!

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Once a week he brings me a huge bouquet of flowers, he’s constantly bringing me out to restaurants to eat, if I so much as hint that I want something the next morning it’s on my doorstep.” “That’s very nice about your Freddie”, says Gertrude. A cop pulls her over and says “ma’am, can I please see your license? It’s the wire around your neck – it makes people talk louder!

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