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Here are the highlights: Bernadette Libonate: To warm up, I would love to hear an anecdote from your worst date.
Dan Savage: Haha, I remember years ago going on a blind date.
I was set up by a mutual friend where this guy sat across from me and said he was prepared to have a summer-long fling with me, but wasn’t prepared to do “long term” with me.
He wanted to see if I was basically open to sexually servicing him for a summer…I wasn’t opposed to an STR (short-term relationship) but I wasn’t prepared to go into a relationship with someone who already decided it could be for X amount of time because I was unqualified to be a long-term partner. BL: At Ok Cupid we don’t have one definitive path that we consider a “success.” It can be one night, one week, one year, and still be successful. DS: We [traditionally] define success as these two people who were together until one or the other or both dies.
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I’m not someone who says if there’s no sex it’s not a functional or happy relationship. Over the Trump administration, a lot of horrible things have been done — but a lot of horrible things they wanted to do were blocked because people spoke up, because people called their congressman, went to town hall meetings, went into the streets and protested, and donated money.
If there’s no sex and one person is miserable because of that or both are miserable because of that, then there’s a problem. BL: Speaking of celebrating, how do you celebrate Pride Month? Terry and I will sometimes go to a parade, but we’re not big parade-goers…I just can’t listen to 16 floats go by with the same dance music, it literally gives me a migraine. Do the things you can do — the job of activists is to draw attention to what I call the “doable thing” — something you can accomplish.
During what turned into more of a conversation, we discussed everything from sex, to dating, to the intrawebs, to Pride.Those relationships are just as valid as a relationship where there’s lots of sex.Companionate marriages — a marriage where there’s intimacy and love and joy and pleasure but very little, or no, sex — can be great relationships. Sometimes people will point to huge and unsolvable problems where no one knows exactly what to do, and that can instill a kind of despair that leads people not to tackle the things they do.Is ghosting a new phenomenon, or have we just coined the phrase because the frequency is higher?DS: I don’t think ghosting is a new phenomenon — I think it’s just more pointed and painful now because we’re so interconnected that you have to go out of your way to disappear from someone’s life.